Top Chef: Season 7, Ep. 4: He Wasn’t Just Another Louis Vuitton Bag; He was MY Louis Vuitton Bag

All the rivalries were laid bare this week: Angelo versus Kenny, Ed versus Dov Charney Michael Berryman Alex, Kevin’s desire to win versus his cooking ability, Kelly versus likability.  The episode begins with the usual “I want to win a challenge already” speeches, then moves to a gross and stupid Quickfire involving baby food.  The cheftestants have to make a dish, then throw it in a blender “translate” the dish into an edible mush insufferable people would feed their insufferable babies.  Arnold interviews that he’d give the $10,000 prize to two Thai orphanages that house kids afflicted with HIV and AIDS (aww), and Alex Dov Charney smarms about the hookers and coke he’d buy with the money.  In the end, Kenny and Tamesha win the Quickfire and get $10,000 each.  Arnold calls himself a Louis Vuitton bag, because he’s magic.

The main challenge is structured a bit differently this week, with teams of two heading into tournament-style eliminations but in reverse, where the safe cheftestants get to be done for the day, while the losers move on to the next elimination round.  There will also be two eliminations this week.  Spike from Season Four and Mike Yuck and Bryan Voltaggio from Season Six are also at the judges’ table (don’t these people have jobs?).  Tiffany and Timothy win the first round, as do Stephen and Amanda, who sort of resemble a middle-aged Charlie Brown and a loud, over-enunciating Lucy (my God, is she loud).  Dov grumbles because his teammate Ed forgets to put their food on the plates, which I grant is a pretty worthwhile complaint.  But they’re safe in the second round, which, UGH, because Alex’s face and also Ed’s face.  Flirty Angelo and flirty-back Tamesha are also somehow safe with a beef dish that involves kimchi vinaigrette.  Yuckety yuck.  Kelly and Andrea, Arnold and Lynn, and Kenny and Kevin land in the bottom.  In the end, Kelly and Andrea pull through with trips to Europe (for landing fifth place?!), while Kenny and Kevin barely escape Tom Colicchio’s wrath for not having glaze on their short ribs (Meat Rules!  Rules of Meat!), leaving Arnold and Lynn, in a surprise upset, to be sent home.  I am sad.

A fond farewell to my favorite Louis Vuitton Bag, no thanks to Old Beast Lynn, who apparently has no idea how to cook pasta.  Here’s hoping she’s better at teaching how to do it than she is at actually doing it.

July 8, 2010. Recaps, Top Chef.